The Gasoline Of The Corporate World

Believe it or not, the gasoline of the corporate world is not gasoline, have you ever tried it? If you sniff it, you become as high as a kite, and if you drink it.....your dead. Being a corpse is kind of anti productive and being high.....well it would explain why so many bad decisions on wall street lately. The actual gasoline of the office world is caffeine, sugar, and everything that gives your mind a kick why simultaneously degrading your health. Coffee and now energy drinks are usually supplied by the employer free of charge, and yet I won't touch the stuff. The strange thing is, what people need in the morning isn't sugar or caffeine, what they really need is a proper meal, they need breakfast. Not this McDonald's drive true crap, but a true full breakfast. That is a major problem in today's world, everybody is in such a rush in the morning that breakfast is sacrificed. I don't need coffee, I need waffles.

Days left: 21
Days I missed breakfast.......uncountable.

Field

As you may have heard last week, I was in the field last week. Field days are really the only enjoyable part of my job, and the days that I usually work the hardest. It is kind of sad when the best part of your job is you digging holes in clay packed as solid as concrete, in 35 degree heat. The reason I enjoy it so much is because the field is where it all comes together or completely falls apart. I have seen way to many plans who say one thing, but the field says something completely different. It is not only that, it is just nice to get out of the office and go see some interesting places (Like the Hanna Roundhouse shown in an earlier blog). It is part of the idea of going out and exploring what is around you, the only difference is, it is nice to get paid to see some of it.

Days Left: 22
Field Days Left: 1

The Weekend

Since the last few posts have been about days of the week, it is only fair to speak of your gun shooting, beer loving, mad driving cousins who pick you up at your office doors at 5:00 sharp in their beat up old pickup truck. You jump into the truck box with your briefcase in hand, tie flying in your accelerated jump over the side, yelling "To Women, to Bar, to Freedom and beyond". Of course the key is to hang onto the truck as your cousins peel out leaving rubber, smoke, and whatever you had for lunch trailing off behind. Your first stop is the bar to thank the world for giving you such fine cousins. The rest of the weekend is kind of a blur, but 2 days of blur is better than 5 days of office boredom. Boy I miss those guys.

Days left: 23

Friday

If we could relate the days of the week to family members they would come out like so. Monday would be your hung over cousin who has the brains of a monkey and talks with a really annoying voice. Whenever you get stuck in the same room with him you end up planning a way to remove them from the gene pool. Tuesday is the older, harder working brother of the twins. Wednesday is the weird middle child who is usually more mature than their age and takes after their parents in the most responsible manner. Thursday is the younger funner brother of the hard working twins. Friday, now Friday is your long lost distant cousin from down under who is a pyrotechnic by profession, a man who will gladly help you annoy your boss by nature, and a shear drunk in all means. Friday is when you usually meet for lunch, don't do work that requires a large amount of brain function, and execute plots against your boss that were thought up on Monday. When the boss isn't in, Friday is when true office heroics take place, like racing a wheelie chair down the halls, or flying paper plains.

TGIF

Days left 24

Thursday

Thursday is best described as Tuesdays twin brother, except a better drinker. Thursday is usually a relatively productive day without the dismal prospect of another 4 misserable days remaining between you and freedom. Thursday is usually the day that all final preparations for Fridays events are completed. Thursdays best part is that it finally leads to Friday.

Field

Have to post something, before clock reaches 12:00. Been in field all day in which I dug holes in peoples lawns in the search for gold. I only found iron, and rather hard packed ground which required the energy of a nuklear bomb to break loose. I should also mention it was 35 degrees in the sun today, so it drained your energy at a rather fast pace. Well goodnight, I will be in the filed again tomorrow, and it is Guinesse's 250th birthday, I might not be able to post tomorrow.

Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday

Tuesday, probably the best day for productivity. Of all the days of the working week, Tuesday is unique. Most of the rebellion that was being planned gets put to the back burner until it's revival on Friday, though this does not mean that it is forgotten, it just isn't as high on the list. There is nothing really significant about Tuesday, the traffic is usually a little worse, but the mood is set and almost accepted. Tuesday feels a little shorter than Monday, and not nearly as annoying. I almost enjoy Tuesday, even though I no longer care for the work, or even want to be here, I still almost enjoy it.

Races Won:1
Doctors Visits 2/4
Days Left:

Ah Monday, where is thy sting?

Monday, the cruel joke that the universe plays on every blue collar working stiff. It is the day that starts off with the shower that takes just a little bit longer as you soak the bruises from the weekend, and take comfort from the soothing water as you begin to start 5 days of misery at a job you lost hope in. Your beard needs trimming after a weekend of unchecked growth as there is no need for a proper dress code on the weekends. The dirty laundry from the last week is still piled by the washing machine, and you can't find a clean shirt anywhere in the dresser, or on the floor, or under the bed. The car needs fuel, you are low on groceries, and you would rather be in bed, than fighting early morning traffic. The boss is on your case, any work you get done comes back, because of a new "Modification" that they forgot to mention earlier. Lunch comes and goes without telling you, but the rest of the day crawls by at a pace just slower than the previous ice age. When the clocks finally reach 5:00 you and all your brainless Zombie co-workers heard towards the door, towards the outside world and the commute away from the towers that held you captive for the last 8 hours. You get home, do laundry, buy groceries, feed the fish, eat supper, clean up, and go to bed. Monday is a bad joke.

Races Won:1
Doctor Visits: 2/4
Days Left:28

The Countdown

Where is the fine line between sad to leave a job and happy to see it go. Where is the line between tears of sadness, and tears of joy. The difference between walking out with your belongings in a box looking back at your empty office as the door slams shut with longing and regret, and dancing down the hallway singing show tunes. I guess the divider would be when you start counting down your remaining days, and proudly flaunting it by posting the countdown on your door. I simply cannot wait to get out of here, for reasons that I will explain later. Let me just say, that I have been practicing my "I am out a here" dance.

Days Left: 29
Races Won:1
Doctor Visits:2/4

Last Kick at the Benefit Cat

Well, isn't it strange that during the last 2 months of work here I have taken advantage of something I have flatly ignored for the last 2 years. I am of course speaking of my medical benefits. Over the last couple of days I have seen the dentist, and the doctor, and made arrangements to see the optometrist and an orthopedic doctor to get new orthopedics. I am mostly doing this because, well I will be loosing my benefits as soon as I am done work, and because I haven't seen any of the before mentioned people since I left school 2 years ago. Isn't it amazing how when you are about to loose something, you suddenly get the urge to use it. I think the combined medical bills I am racking up will probably equal a little over 800 bucks. It isn't a completely free ride, but it takes at least 80% of the nasty bite off.


Days left:30
Races won:1
Doctors Visits:2/4

The Race

So every working day millions of people get up in the morning, have a snack, jump in their vehicles and proceed to enter that stretch of asphalt that only about an hour earlier was a road and is now a parking lot. While most people sit in their idling cars, I fly by on my bicycle. That's right, you know that annoying bicyclist who weaves through traffic, hopping onto sidewalks, and flirting with the law more that a hooker on Friday night. Ya, that's me, more importantly I get free parking, and this allows me to burn off all those calories I gain by sitting at my desk all day. Well today I got to test my theory that I could go faster than those individuals burning fuel in their SUV's. While I crossed 82nd street at high speed, I noticed that the bumper that just missed me was actually owned by my coworker. Nothing was said, the race was on, manpower VS. car power, bicycle vs. car, my morning breakfast of Oreos vs. high octane gasoline. It was 34 blocks to the finish line, and the odds were against me. The car proceeded to pass me upon the light turning green, but it was then that I unleashed my secret weapon, I jumped onto the bicycle path that parallels the LRT, making a B-line for downtown. I could hear the bookies yelling "All bets are off" as they realized that while the car had to follow roads, I didn't. The car's lead vanished, and with a little help from properly timed trains at my street crossings, I soon had a lead. But all good things must come to an end, as did my bicycle path, dumping me into downtown traffic full of buses, cars and pedestrians. My progress slowed, and my lead shrank as the traffic lights are not timed for those vehicles who are foot powered. With the help of sidewalks, buss/bike lanes and weaving through traffic in a manner reported by the CBC news desk as "Insane", I crossed the finish line 1 bicycle length in front of the before mentioned bumper of my coworkers car. Not being a person who brags, I kept my celebration down to mearly dancing on her hood and singing "We are the champions".

Until next time

theofficeblog

Days until I leave: 31
Bicycle races won: 1

The Office Blogging Blitz

In Honor of the fact that I only have a little over a month to go before I pull a Hoodeenie and vanish from this office I have decided to do a blogging blitz, one blog for every day I have remaining in this place. Starting tomorrow, now all I need to figure out is what I am going to blog about.

Days remaining: 32

Power Power Everywhere, but not here

I just spent the last three hours at the bar due to the slightly small problem of that our building was out of power. To be more precise, something shorted out, relieving me of my computer, light source, and more importantly A/C (as it is like 30 outside). It was a fine meal of food and beer as we waited for the energy to magically re-energize our office building. So all in all it was an average day of acomplishing absolutely nothing. On a side note I am suddenly missing like 2 weeks worth of vacation, my boss and I are currently trying to find why we so fervently agree. Let the arguing begin.